by Ethan Oliva

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    handmade cassette copy with special notes and shit
    first edition limited to 30 copies, ill make more if needed!

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recordings taken from 2009-2015 mostly from 4 track cassette recordings
two four tracks were used: one KORG CR-4 and one TASCAM MF-P01
cakewalk/guitar tracks 4 was used to master the recordings/dub extra tracks


released December 25, 2015



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Ethan Oliva Erie, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Fort Nothing
i let you fuck me like you wanted, i let you hope you want to die
i let you swear to solemn friends, i let you look them in the eye
and i shouldnt trust you, i never can trust you
i let it eat me like you wanted and nothing burdens me like time
no one pushed you, no one hurt you, needed attention and thats fine
i shouldnt have called you, im not scared to end my life
i dont care to know you and i dont care to stay alive
ill take you with me to the side
Track Name: I Heard It
moved and i heard it
gone and youre perfect
nowhere up on the hill
nowhere up on the hill
nowhere up on the hill
let me stay about your curves
up and around inside your life
stay up waiting around
to end up wanting more
i need you walking around
i need you walking around

to lift your head and take your own life
there is no shame in what you pass on
easy thinking half we say is what we do
Track Name: Warp
stretching out my hand where you know you could see it
now i am inside, vacuum resides til the day you can free it
stop sighing in undertone, sleep with who you dare
love is great and i’m not waiting, its a shame you care

now we’re sinking, now its easy, now could you know
now i hold him as he’s draining, something cant be said
wait to appear, theres no safe here, you hang down white and red
Track Name: From The White Island
like a frame in the window from driving around
shes got a key to the town
all the shit we couldnt fix forever is down
shes got a key to the town
dont wait to happen, this time is different
leave it alone, its time to go home
Track Name: Glad I Found Myself/Poison Control
so glad i found myself in pages of books on self help
now i know what to do, i spent my last years coveting you
what does he have that i dont? hovering over your road
what do i lack? knowing youll never take that back
im so glad i found myself in pages of books on self help

my months seem to drag when they want to
the suicide season is here
a hotline is hiring workers
everybody needs a peer
and southern lights flash through the night sky
as i found id never get that high
i found its so hard to gloat
about the songs i wish i wrote
Track Name: Trophy Boy
she found the trophy boy, one last resort for joy
she talks to him every day, he doesnt have a lot to say
im sorry, just tired, hes bleeding upstairs
i dont want to go up there
years i wait for the day she turns around
did she take the trophy boy down?
Track Name: Carriers
you're a walking target, you're a carrier on the inside forever
you complete half your life, take no lesson from experience forever
i am moved to know you're here, dont stay with me but stay near
i can't promise i won't be right
i can't promise we'll see something
i can't promise it won't feel like forever
Track Name: Nowhere
everything that we see including the death of loved ones is not reality
it is what we do not yet see and what we understand with our eyes of faith and understanding
that is the reality, that's the permanence, that's the way life is going to be and will always be
so, whether in this circumstance or in other circumstances that are very difficult for us to cope with from day to day
we must spend time meditating and thinking about which is unseen
Track Name: Stupid
stay sane, you dont have to like it, just have to live by it
just to be safe if you cant escape it you might as well try it
when i was inside i saw something when all my friends started leaving
i thought i had it but looks were decieving, stupid for believing
i sat on the street for another round and thought to myself where could i be now
with you in a better town

then i take to the days that we knew soon we would stop trying
the night you left, there was something good in us and we knew it was dying
i know how it feels to be not around, i know how you feel and it brings me down

sleep right tonight, forget about it
lay down and sleep now, live without it
Track Name: Four Castles
fuck the one in disarray
im not leaving here today
put me on a silver cage
put me on the basement stage
she will tell you of my way
one anxious night to keep me still
if i dont stop now i never will
Track Name: Laura's Room
something that was so hard to do
leave the truth
who inhabits this world?
Track Name: Last Walk Through Alley
the thought of leaving you someday put a hole in me
with someone boring far away from the small city
should i come back when we can drink again
should i sleep in your room every now and then
little reasons make me stay like a rope thought out
it only hurt it for a day, don't know what about
heat comes like a door, an open backwards door
with one night stands to change my mind i can't stand in anything i find

i'll come in through the back door baby
and i'll be there should something else fall through
i know all of what made you hate me
was in my head, its not worth what we do
i can come back in your life baby
even though we knew what we came to
Track Name: Down The Stairs
downstairs tell me what you can
we don't have a plan we're on your side
red flashes through the park
walking through the dark one last time
have a beautiful life
inside the basement

down there driving through the park, down there stays dark
Track Name: Miles of Lace
the man without a name arrived to die for all our sins
he understood our pain, he knew the struggle we were in
the loss was overwhelming but we could tell the end was near
the job is over and i've been waiting for you here
and don't forget it's all you get, one more
Track Name: Traffic Lights know where your place is're kissing their faces know where you stand
all you say's been said, coming from a friend
you have growing up to you, til then no one stays with you glow in the darkness kill me with kindness
...keep kissing their faces'll know where your place is